Heart Attack!

    One of my friends  suffered a mild heart attack...That guy is just 31 ..His arteries were blocked and he had to undergo angioplasty...He survived but it it was scary.

I    Suddenly am so scared, and my wife is like you are just over thinking, it’s a one of case.And I am like "it’s scary for me with my kind of stressful job and lifestyle and booze and smoking and junk food and non- existent exercise regime. It scares me. You don’t have to be worried because you know...You don’t have a heart!"

How Did She Know!

1.       Some times the office can be a really scary place.

I had just finished a meeting with a lady, and she was leaving. She looked at my desk

 And asked “how come you use KamaSutra?” I was so confused, I was like what the fuck is she asking?... I have never met this woman in my life…or have i met her, have i slept with her and not remebered...

how the fuck did she know…I though this is really awkward, just say you have to rush to a meeting and leave. But  all I could say was “How did You know” ! She says “Its on your desk.” And I was like WTF!! How do I have condoms on my desk? It’s like a fucking nightmare. I look around and I find a KS deo spray on my desk! Like an idiot I was like ooh you mean the deo..she looked confused and says what else? Then it stuck her..so awkward. 

Dilli Ke Launde!

The other day I had a meeting with the top management, all the VPs of the company attended the meeting. My COO was worried about sales going down and said I don’t know how are we going to achieve our targets.  This senior lady from Bangalore, who couldn’t speak hindi to save her life looked at the COO and said, ‘”Don’t worry saar, aap karloge aap toh delhi ke LAVDE ho!”! Everybody was like what the fuck is she saying.., some were shocked, others couldn't believe what she had just said. I looked at my boss and he had a weird grin on his face as if saying aur gaali de, sala bhosadika! The CEO goes, 'Excuse me what did you just say..and then she continues “ you are a delhi boy! ”She meant to say Aap toh delhi le Launde ho!!..

Why I could never be a bully

I guess I was five. (Yeah I started pretty early) Along with my friends Pavan and Nakul I used to roam the whole colony looking for some interesting thing to do in life(yeah I was pretty vella, some things in life never change).

So  we had a group which included  Rajeev and Babu; identical twins.
Rajeev was the meanest, most horrible  kid,  I had ever met in my entire life till then. 
He was devils incarnation on earth, The joker from batman was a saint compared to him
What used to irritate  us was his constant harassment of his twin brother. People need reason to fight; Rajeev just needed his brother’s face to hit.

So one day it so happened that the three musketeers decided to teach Rajeev a lesson. Trying to be Robin Hood and getting inspired by Mithun, we decided to teach Rajeev a lesson and beat the shit out of him. In hindsight we were pretty demented..:P

We took our positions on the day. I had the simplest job, i was, My job was to give a signal to my other two friends who were hiding. The moment had come. It was now or never.  My first assault. I raised my hand and shouted as soon as he was within our reach. Both of them pounced on him and started hitting, slapping and kicking him. He was wailing and crying in pain. We yelled this is what you get for ill treating our friend. Suddenly both of them stopped hitting him and had an expression of horror on their faces

We stopped only to realize that he wasn’t Rajeev but it was his twin brother BABU!!Oh shit we had beaten up the wrong guy. The dear friend who we were trying to protect
He started running and wailing "I will tell my mom.

And that is why i never became a Goon..lol

Daag Ache Hai..probably not

The pen is Mightier than the sword they say. Well I don’t know about the sword but it’s enough to get you in trouble.

In school like always there was something new happening. One of the stores nearby was selling “invisible inkpen.” You pour that ink in the pen and splash it on any material and after 2 minutes it disappears. So all of us got that ink in school and were fooling around. It was great fun. School was always fun. Good friends, short skirts, hot teachers

Coming back to the point, I was at home enjoying my holiday early in the morning. My dad was getting ready for work when I woke up. He was wearing his brand new White shirt (apparently my mom had gifted him that). So the devil (or rather the idiot that I was) I took the pen with the invisible ink and splashed it across his shirt, waiting for his reaction. As expected he wasn’t amused. Before he could take out his frustration, I told him about the new thing in chemistry and how some Einstein had discovered a world shattering marvel called invisible ink. He waited for 2 minutes, then 5 and then 8 minutes, The ink was as colorful as ever. Not a shade lighter. I turned back saw the pen in my hand and realized that It was the wrong PEN. FUCCKKK! Needless to say my dad did not believe in the Daag acche hai philosophy, and I got the worst beating of my life